HOW TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS Hint: this idea is easy!

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HOW TO CONNECT To Make Better Connections

Want to be better at human connection?  Want more friends?  Want to be able to PURPOSELY connect with other people?  Sure you do.  We all do. Well, I’ve got an easy way for you to do just that.  You’re already good at this, I promise;  you just don’t use this technique enough.  (Assuming the scientists are correct, most of us don’t do this one enough.)

The secret is to be more strategic about how people see you, your mood, and your desire to connect.

There are two parts.

First, remove anything the makes you come off as grumpy.

Check your clothes.  Check your face.   Allow me to explain.  And, because I’m a motivational speaker, my explanations often come in the form of stories.

I recently saw two different people in an airport with tee shirts they thought were funny.  Ok, I thought they were funny too.

They were:  “Do I look like I fly economy?!”

The other one read, “I literally do not care!”

Here’s the problem with those shirts.  Yup, they are sorta funny. But they are also signaling the opposite of what their wearers would want to portray about themselves.  Those shirts translate to, “I’m not interested in you, in making friends, and I’m probably grumpy.   I’m not somebody with whom you want to connect.”

You might think it’s a small thing, but it’s important:  don’t wear anything that makes people feel disconnected with you.  You might make people laugh, but you make connection harder.  I mean really, does anybody really want to start a relationship of any type with someone who is signaling, “I’m probably mad at life and probably don’t like you.”

To be fair, I can’t even imagine myself wearing a shirt like this, but in theory it would be cool to wear a tee shirt that says, “I probably like you and think we should be friends.”  I know.  Too much.  But you get the point.

Think About Your Face

The second point is think about what is on your face.  Do you look mean and grumpy? Or approachable and kind?  Make sure you’re in the second category.

Do you know about RBF?  Resting Bitch Face?  No, I didn’t make it up.  It’s the concept that some people, when their face is at rest, look like grumpy icky people. Statistically, your face is closer to RBF than you think.

The easiest way to not have RBF is to be proactive and smile.  Lift your eyebrows every now and then.  Look people in the eyes.   Sounds silly, but before you discount this technique give it a try.  I guarantee it will help you connect with others.  I guarantee it will help you get to the next step in a budding friendship.  (Which might be as little as as chancing the question, “Is this seat open? May I join you?”)

Ok.  That’s it. Smile more.  Take off the snarky tee shirts and bumper stickers. Let people know you’re interested, open, and friendly and watch how things improve.

Business note:  If you have (or want!) a job, this technique is solid gold. It will help your career, it will help your ability to lead, it will enhance your ability to improve your sales, it will enhance recruitment and retention….you get the point. The BUSINESS VALUE of a smile is well documented.  And common sense.  Give it a go.

Brad Montgomery is a funny motivation speaker.  He’s also really good at connecting to strangers (and people who are not so strange.   If you’d like to learn to be more connected with the people in your life and increase your level of happiness, give us a call and we’ll talk about ramping up you and your team to where you all deserve to be.

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Biography of a Motivational Speaker

Bio of a Motivational Speaker

Funny Motivational Keynote Speaker Brad Montgomery is an award-winning speaker.   He speaks to audiences across the globe (and across the USA), and is based in Denver, Colorado.

Although he speaks to audiences in nearly every industry, he is known as a funny health care speaker, a education speaker for teachers, a real estate speaker, and a sales speaker.   He got his start as a magician & comedian, but now is known almost exclusively as keynote speaker.

He speaks both at live, in-person events, as well as online and virtually as a zoom speaker. No matter what you’re trying to accomplish with your audience, if you’re ready to invest in your people, give us a call now.

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Believe it or not, some people REALLY love to read the video transcripts.  Ok peeps, this is for you.   Note:  this transcript was created by AI.  (Which means it is far from perfect.). Have a blast!

AI-Created Video Transcript

00:00:00.017 –> 00:00:08.234
My name is Brad Montgomery. Welcome to the podcast.

00:00:09.131 –> 00:00:14.310
But who am I kidding? Come on, these guys are all three. So, thanks for being here.

00:00:17.197 –> 00:00:22.691
What’s up everybody? It’s Brad. Welcome to the podcast today.

00:00:24.237 –> 00:00:37.977
But there’s some more talk about,

00:00:38.496 –> 00:00:48.897
It started with my mother-in-law my mother in law is 83 and just is going through this massive change that she moved in to assisted living with her husband and it is really hard on her,

00:00:49.713 –> 00:00:52.912
It’s like emotionally hard and just she feels pooped.

00:00:53.872 –> 00:01:06.154
And when I was talking to Alice,

00:01:06.970 –> 00:01:11.988
Also I’ve seen some people trying to talk to you and you.

00:01:13.092 –> 00:01:18.208
And this is a woman in her younger days who was super super social.

00:01:19.168 –> 00:01:26.049
And I mention that and in this moment of vulnerability, she said, well, Brad, how do I make friends.

00:01:28.657 –> 00:01:43.054
I know. 83 years, 83 years old, and she’s dealing with the same issue we all are, which is I wish I was more popular, or I wish I fit in or.

00:01:45.644 –> 00:01:52.282
Hold on to this stuff.

00:01:54.205 –> 00:02:08.207
In the airport on the way here I saw two people in funny,

00:02:09.095 –> 00:02:11.520
And I thought that I was kinda funny too but also.

00:02:13.137 –> 00:02:24.357
Those are not the kind of shirts that portray you as somebody that I wanna be friends with, right? Your base, those are like wearing a big frown on your shirt saying I’m kinda pissed off about life and I’m annoyed and I probably don’t like you,

00:02:24.822 –> 00:02:27.796
So to my taste even though I kinda chuckle them,

00:02:28.090 –> 00:02:36.654
Those are horrible T shirts. Why would anyone wear that? If you’re,

00:02:37.263 –> 00:02:43.136
And we’re enclosing that.

00:02:44.609 –> 00:02:47.475
What about idea.

00:02:48.876 –> 00:02:55.415
Who for years would go to conferences for magicians and wear a T shirt that said life’s too short for bad magic and,

00:02:56.069 –> 00:03:06.397
You know, the implication was he’s a really good magician and the rest of us are bad magicians. It wasn’t a thing that made us bond together. It was more like oh I wonder if you think I’m one of them. I’m part of the problem,

00:03:07.241 –> 00:03:16.786
What’s just got to do with my mother-in-law.

00:03:18.277 –> 00:03:29.938
Is what I’ve told my kids which is Alice.

00:03:30.845 –> 00:03:37.725
And nod your head and lift your eyebrows not unaware way but kinda like I’m willing to meet you. I’m interested in you and,

00:03:38.190 –> 00:03:46.268
This is the way that we humans signal with body language that we’re like a ball and we’re approachable and we’re friendly and we’re not a threat.

00:03:49.056 –> 00:03:59.610
And maybe just smiling at the other people in this assisted living place would be would lower the barrier enough.

00:04:01.911 –> 00:04:13.617
I think what my mother in law by walking into the dining hall with a frown and.

00:04:14.929 –> 00:04:22.926
I’m grumpy and annoyed at life and probably mad at you.

00:04:25.389 –> 00:04:27.427
Don’t do that.

00:04:28.783 –> 00:04:36.645
Here’s the problem. It’s it sounds so easy but here’s the problem with all of us. All of us are insecure. All of us wonder if we are good enough and do we blonde.

00:04:37.767 –> 00:04:48.006
And for most of us when we’re insecure and not feeling at our most confident best.

00:04:49.164 –> 00:04:58.674
Are insecurity coming through our body language as,

00:04:59.490 –> 00:05:04.390
I didn’t make this up.

00:05:05.458 –> 00:05:12.132
Well I would suggest that for many of us when we are insecure or tense or lonely or.

00:05:13.263 –> 00:05:21.710

00:05:22.932 –> 00:05:28.786
So here’s my mother in law who would genuinely i think love to be connected to other people in her new assisted living home.

00:05:29.747 –> 00:05:37.726
But her resting bitch face.

00:05:38.731 –> 00:05:44.972

00:05:46.644 –> 00:05:55.559
Her face is beaming.

00:05:56.627 –> 00:06:06.470
Isn’t that like the saddest iri,

00:06:06.998 –> 00:06:17.074
Hey what are you trying to communicate here,

00:06:17.729 –> 00:06:24.933
I didn’t say that but I suspect they’re just like you and just like me either. It probably would like to have more friends. It’d like to feel better connected.

00:06:26.911 –> 00:06:34.395
They would like people around them to feel like oh we like each other.

00:06:35.328 –> 00:06:39.859
Even though they would never articulate it that way would they.

00:06:41.387 –> 00:06:49.816
Let’s turn this into an action step and wrap up this brief podcast.

00:06:50.866 –> 00:07:03.832
You are like.

00:07:06.989 –> 00:07:20.009
It is a collection of skills that help you do that but easily the lowest skill is to communicate to people I’m likable I’m approachable I’m warm I probably like you,

00:07:20.474 –> 00:07:27.121
There’s two easy ways to do this. One, remove anything,

00:07:27.622 –> 00:07:36.943
If you got a funny T shirt that says you’re grumpy and mean don’t wear that.

00:07:38.119 –> 00:07:45.009
Act like a T shirt that says I’m angry at the world and grumpy and I’m not approachable and please you don’t wanna talk to me cuz I’m unhappy.

00:07:46.689 –> 00:07:53.561
So, we remove the negatives. And then, for extra credit, you gotta do what I’m directing Alice, my mother-in-law to do.

00:07:55.133 –> 00:08:06.929
You gotta put some positive on.

00:08:08.736 –> 00:08:10.359
And see if that just doesn’t work.

00:08:11.436 –> 00:08:25.978
All you need to do is get somebody you wanna be friends with to say hey.

00:08:27.199 –> 00:08:33.072
Can I see with you at lunch today I would like to meet you.

00:08:34.122 –> 00:08:43.820

00:08:44.295 –> 00:08:45.639
Cuz I had time,

00:08:46.212 –> 00:08:54.812
And I gotta say something like surprisingly wonderful things have happened from the podcast. I I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t expect any return on investment.

00:08:56.826 –> 00:09:00.259
But lots of nice things have happened in that’s cuz of you so thank you,

00:09:01.129 –> 00:09:09.999
It’s kind of a secret right now so the number of people listening to this is not viral,

00:09:10.851 –> 00:09:14.284
It means a lot to me and I’m really fathered that anybody cares.

00:09:16.127 –> 00:09:25.960
Alright, Brad Montgomery, visit us at Brad Montgomery. Com

00:09:25.948 –> 00:09:31.793
At the corner could you just strategically try to smile more

00:09:31.764 –> 00:09:44.163
I know.

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