The Tactical Strategy of Making More Friends.

Want to be better at human connection?  Want more friends?  Want to be able to PURPOSELY connect with other people?  Sure you do.  We all do. Well, I’ve got an easy way for you to do just that.  You’re already good at this, I promise;  you just don’t use this technique enough.  (Assuming the scientists are correct, most of us don’t do this one enough.)

The secret is to be more strategic about how people see you, your mood, and your desire to connect.

There are two parts.

First, remove anything the makes you come off as grumpy.

Check your clothes.  Check your face.   Allow me to explain.  And, because I’m a motivational speaker, my explanations often come in the form of stories.

I recently saw two different people in an airport with tee shirts they thought were funny.  Ok, I thought they were funny too.

They were:  “Do I look like I fly economy?!”

The other one read, “I literally do not care!”

Here’s the problem with those shirts.  Yup, they are sorta funny. But they are also signaling the opposite of what their wearers would want to portray about themselves.  Those shirts translate to, “I’m not interested in you, in making friends, and I’m probably grumpy.   I’m not somebody with whom you want to connect.”

You might think it’s a small thing, but it’s important:  don’t wear anything that makes people feel disconnected with you.  You might make people laugh, but you make connection harder.  I mean really, does anybody really want to start a relationship of any type with someone who is signaling, “I’m probably mad at life and probably don’t like you.”

To be fair, I can’t even imagine myself wearing a shirt like this, but in theory it would be cool to wear a tee shirt that says, “I probably like you and think we should be friends.”  I know.  Too much.  But you get the point.

Think About Your Face

The second point is think about what is on your face.  Do you look mean and grumpy? Or approachable and kind?  Make sure you’re in the second category.

Do you know about RBF?  Resting Bitch Face?  No, I didn’t make it up.  It’s the concept that some people, when their face is at rest, look like grumpy icky people. Statistically, your face is closer to RBF than you think.

The easiest way to not have RBF is to be proactive and smile.  Lift your eyebrows every now and then.  Look people in the eyes.   Sounds silly, but before you discount this technique give it a try.  I guarantee it will help you connect with others.  I guarantee it will help you get to the next step in a budding friendship.  (Which might be as little as as chancing the question, “Is this seat open? May I join you?”)

Ok.  That’s it. Smile more.  Take off the snarky tee shirts and bumper stickers. Let people know you’re interested, open, and friendly and watch how things improve.

Business note:  If you have (or want!) a job, this technique is solid gold. It will help your career, it will help your ability to lead, it will enhance your ability to improve your sales, it will enhance recruitment and retention….you get the point. The BUSINESS VALUE of a smile is well documented.  And common sense.  Give it a go.

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Brad Montgomery is a funny motivation speaker.  He’s also really good at connecting to strangers (and people who are not so strange.   If you’d like to learn to be more connected with the people in your life and increase your level of happiness, give us a call and we’ll talk about ramping up you and your team to where you all deserve to be.