A while back I spoke at a huge Las Vegas conference for McCormick & Schmick’s Seafood Restaurants.

I had a ball…. and let me tell you why.They took the time to coach me about their corporate culture… which helps me a great deal. And then, even better, I had a chance to visit with their executive chefs and General Managers before my keynote speech.

Better yet, I ate in one of their restaurants 3 days before my keynote speech.  I met the executive chef and the general manager.  They let me tour the kitchen and take photos.   (And they treated me and my pals great…yum!)

[ Actually, there is a cool story there too.  I was there with a few pals who happen to be professional speakers themselves…so some of the funniest ideas came from my humorist pals.  Colorado speaker and humor pal Steve Spangler took the photos.  It was a fun night.) ]

But best of all, I got to hear THE founders ( Mr. McCormicK and Mr. Schmick — yeah, I know, who knew they even existed!) address the audience for about an hour before I went on.

It was like a gift. A perfect storm of great info from the right people.  Now, I have to admit it; sometimes the info I get from my clients doesn’t lead anywhere. Sometimes it isn’t funny. And occasionally it is hard for me to really tailor what I do for their group. But in this case it was the total opposite. It was as though everything I said made it’s way into the presentation.Even the little details.

For example, when I was in the restaurant I ordered salmon that was cooked on a plank of Cedar wood. It was delicious. (The fish, not the plank.)  But when I retold the story, and showed (via PowerPoint) a photo of me trying to eat that silly plank, we got the audience rolling. Then I followed with jokes about the creativity about adding secret ingredients to their dishes…. like wood. Again… more humor.

eating the wooden plank

I showed photos of me stealing their stuff…and of me doing their dishes (from my visit to the restaurant that week.)   Trust me… it was funny.  Best of all…it was humor all for and about them.

What’s my point? I have two.

First: if you are looking for motivational speakers, have some long and hard conversations about tailoring and customizing. Your group — especially in this day of instant everything ‚ will be turned off if the speaker doesn’t “Get” them. Make sure your speaker does.  Professional speakers who tailor or customize the message for your audience will make that crucial “connection” in a meaningful and solid way.

Second: From my perspective as a humorist and speaker,

the tailoring is one of the absolute joys of my job. If I HAD to give the same cookie-cutter presentation every time I might shoot myself. The real fun is in making sure it is “just for them.”  Thanks McCormick & Schmick’s! I loved it.  Learn more about my keynote speaking here.

Do  you have an event where you need to motivate and fire up your troops?

Think a funny motivational speaker who can translate humor into business wisdom makes sense?  Me too.   Contact me here for info about bringing me to your event.

Brad Montgomery
Motivational Keynote Speaker, Humorist, Fan of Las Vegas, and Lover of Fish!

PS. Here is a bootleg video of me as speaking for them in Las Vegas, Nevada. Check out the customized jokes…they might not make sense to you, but to THEM they were fun. (And I had a blast.)

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Humor and Grief & Loss

I just returned from a funeral where I experienced first hand how even a tiny dose of humor can make a huge step towards healing and health. Smiles and laughter CAN make things better.

During the funeral service for a wonderful woman who died WAY too early. The entire “audience” of 300 found themselves somewhere between sadness and total utter sobbing. (Me… I was balling.)

When the son of the woman who died spoke about his mom he made a joke. Not a huge joke. Just a small joke about his brother in law. And in a snap he flipped this audience from crying to laughing. He popped the stress balloon. With this tiny bit of humor he gave us a a much needed break from our grief. It was such a small gesture with a huge impact. What a gift. (And on a personal note I was amazed that he could be so generous in the face of his personal loss. It was wonderful.)

But it was later that night that humor delivered even more healing. We sat together and shared pasta and more wine than we probably should have. The stories about the mom — the woman we buried that day — flowed…. and flowed. Laughter and smiles were way more prevalent than tears. Yup, the tears were still there. But the laughter helped us all manage them.

I have no idea what time will bring… but I’m certain that liberal doses of humor and gladness will help us get through such sad and difficult times. Humor cannot erase our grief… it can’t make things “All Better” like our mommies did when we were little kids. But encouraging and welcoming humor into our lives will help us to at least begin to heal.

Now pass the wine.


Why Squeak?

Create laughter and magic whenever you need a smile – or whenever you need somebody else to smile. It’s impossible not to smile when you are squeak or when you near somebody who does squeak. Squeak and your troubles melt away!

Be the life of the party. Break up boring business meetings. Create rapport with clients. Become the favorite aunt or uncle. Get free upgrades in hotels! Surprise the people around you!

Learn to squeak in elevators, at the dinner table, in your car! Make your nose squeak, cell phones squeak, shoes squeak!

Squeaking cures insomnia, rheumatism, digestive troubles and creates well-being. (Well, not really. But squeaking is very funny.

How To Hold Your Squeaker

squeakerHow to hold your squeaker: Put the Squeaker in the palm of your hand. Straighten your forefinger so you can “point” to stuff. Curl the three remaining fingers in and use them to hold the Squeaker against the palm. Now you’re ready to Squeak!

Squeaking Technique: As you touch things with the tip of your forefinger, use your other fingers to squeeze the Squeaker. Remember to always keep the palm of your hand – and the Squeaker – hidden from your “audience.” Nobody should know you are holding anything. Timing is everything. With just a bit of practice you can time it so that the “Squeak” and the “touch” happen at the exact same time.

Squeaking State Of Mind: Part of what makes our lives fun is surprise. And believe me, when you make random things Squeak, people are surprised. What’s so great about surprise? Surprise is an important element in comedy. The unexpected is often very funny.

Squeaking surprises us in two different ways. Not only does Squeaking surprise your audience (or victim!) but it also can surprise you. That surprise can often shock you into a fun and playful mood. For example, I’ve often used my Squeaker when I’m tired or sick, when I’m angry or frustrated. The reaction the Squeaker earns jolts me right out of my misery and into laughter. Think about it: It’s gotta be almost impossible to feel angry or impatient when you have just made somebody smile. By Squeaking you not only share you playfulness with others, you become more playful as well. You can literally Squeak your way out of a bad mood.

Don’t Leave Home Without It: Carry your Squeaker with you wherever you go. You’ll find it useful at times when you would never have expected and that’s where the real fun is! Be sure to try the ideas we’ve included here, but keep your eyes open for chance opportunities. When you Squeak you can almost guarantee a smile.

One of the best parts of Squeakerdom is that you will sometimes Squeak by accident. I have accidentally squeaked as I sit down in a meeting, as I reach into the overhead compartments in airports, as I reach for the salt at a restaurant, or when I reach in my pocket for change. These involuntary Squeaks are a great conversation starter, ice breaker, and tension reliever. This technique is also a way for the more inhibited Squeaker to experience the Joy of Squeakerdom.

Brad’s Top Ten Squeaker Ideas

squeaker–Press elevator buttons and make them squeak. Do Nothing. Don’t react at all. Just stand back and enjoy the funny looks. (People are often too shy to ask, but they definitely will be puzzled.)

Borrow a friend’s cell phone. Make the buttons squeak as you press them. Do not call attention to the squeaking and enjoy the reaction you get from the phone’s owner.

Make the food on your plate squeak. Dinner rolls, hot dogs, Brussels sprouts. Ask the waiter to look at the steak while you squeak it. “Does this seemed cooked right to you?”

Look at the floor as though you see a bug. Make a big show of stomping your toe onto the pretend bug. As you “squish” the bug, squeak!

Press elevator buttons and make them squeak. Do Nothing. Don’t react at all. Just stand back and enjoy the funny looks. (People are often too shy to ask, but they definitely will be puzzled.)

squeakerSqueak the tip of your nose. It gives kids giggle-fits and will make adults smile. Once you get good with your squeaker technique you can make your kids’ noses squeak too. If you haven’t seen wonder and joy on a kid’s face recently, this one is for you. They love it.

squeakerTry on a new pair of shoes at a shoe store. Wait for the salesperson to ask you to walk in them to test them out. Squeak every time you step with your left foot. Ask for a discount!

squeaker–Admire someone’s wristwatch. (Or if necessary, show them your watch.) Ask them if they know about the secret alarm. Demonstrate by pressing various knobs and buttons on the watch in some complex order, finally ending by activating the squeaker. Stand back and watch the confusion as they try to activate the “alarm.”
Make body parts squeak while at the doctor’s or dentist office. For example, “push” a tooth and make it squeak. “Doc! Is this normal?” Squeak your kid’s body parts while at the pediatrician.

squeakerComplain that your computer mouse is acting up. Show your friend how the damn thing squeaks. Remove a photo of a cat from your desk drawer, leaving the squeaker in the drawer. Set the photo next to the mouse. There, that shut ’em up!

Not for the faint-of-heart: Mention your new protein diet while drinking coffee with friends. Reach into your pocket and grab a rubber cockroach and the squeaker (but keep the squeaker hidden in your hand.) Wriggle the bug around a bit, and activate the squeaker just before you drop the roach into your cup of coffee. Sip away and enjoy the show!

Buy These Squeakers now in BradMartGo shopping now!

Learn more about motivational speaker Brad Montgomery.

Everybody should be able to tell at least one joke. Here are a few of my favorite motivational jokes; they are easy to tell, and easy to memorize.

Barbie Joke [audio:

One Legged Ballerina [audio:]

Chicken Coop

Buddhist and HotDog

Hear Brad’s kids laughing & joking!

A Magician’s Interview

A magician goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer,knowing that magicians are stupid, decides to start with the basics. “So, sir, can you tell us your age, please?”
The magician counts carefully on his fingers for about 30 seconds before replying “Ehhhh … 22!”.
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice.”And can you tell us your height, please?”.
The magician stands up and produces a measuring tape from his hand bag. She then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”.
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The magician bobs his head from side to side for about twenty seconds,mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, “Brad!”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, sir, we can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!”, replies the magician, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you… “.

The Naked Statues

Two statues of naked people: man and woman. The statues are looking at each other longingly. An angel comes down from heaven and says, “I’ll make you human for 30 minutes so you can do what you’ve been dreaming of all these years.” So he does . The statues go behind the bushes.. There is rustling and happy noises. They come back 15 minutes later looking satisfied. “You have 15 min left… why don’t you do it again?” says the angel. “OK,” says the male statue to the female. “But this time I’ll hold the pigeon down so YOU can poop on him.”


A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up, walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “No.” The little boygoes on, “Please…please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “No, now go play.” The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.” So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “I just told your brother no and I’m telling you no.” The little girl says, “Please, please, Grandpa, make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?” The little girl replied, “Because Mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!”

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