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Humor and Grief & Loss

I just returned from a funeral where I experienced first hand how even a tiny dose of humor can make a huge step towards healing and health. Smiles and laughter CAN make things better.

During the funeral service for a wonderful woman who died WAY too early. The entire “audience” of 300 found themselves somewhere between sadness and total utter sobbing. (Me… I was balling.)

When the son of the woman who died spoke about his mom he made a joke. Not a huge joke. Just a small joke about his brother in law. And in a snap he flipped this audience from crying to laughing. He popped the stress balloon. With this tiny bit of humor he gave us a a much needed break from our grief. It was such a small gesture with a huge impact. What a gift. (And on a personal note I was amazed that he could be so generous in the face of his personal loss. It was wonderful.)

But it was later that night that humor delivered even more healing. We sat together and shared pasta and more wine than we probably should have. The stories about the mom — the woman we buried that day — flowed…. and flowed. Laughter and smiles were way more prevalent than tears. Yup, the tears were still there. But the laughter helped us all manage them.

I have no idea what time will bring… but I’m certain that liberal doses of humor and gladness will help us get through such sad and difficult times. Humor cannot erase our grief… it can’t make things “All Better” like our mommies did when we were little kids. But encouraging and welcoming humor into our lives will help us to at least begin to heal.

Now pass the wine.

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Yesterday I was in the Salt Lake City airport going to a job in Sun Valley, ID when I stopped into Starbucks. I was chatting with the woman behind the counter. She was just a fun person with a big smile.

When she gave me BACK my credit card she held it out for me to take back. But here was the great part: when I grabbed it she didn’t let go. I pulled, but she hung on.

I looked up and met her eyes, and bingo; a huge smile was on her face.

She was doing it. She was using this tiny bit of humor on the job to help her do more than survive…. it helped her thrive. Humor in the workplace? You bet! She proved that adding (or creating) a smile or two here and there can change your day. And if you string enough of those days together….

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… no…. under the bed.

Often we don’t have to look very far to find humor in action. (At least not at my house.)

My wife Kim and I were putting our little kids to sleep. They are afraid of the monsters that might be around, and as I watched from the doorway asked Kim to close the doors to the closet and the bathroom. (Apparently monsters are unable to operate doornobs.)

“Do you want me to look under the bed?” she asked them?

Of course they did. So she bends down to look under the bed and says, “Ok Frank and Larry: they know you are here and they are scared so just stay where you are or you’re gonna freak them out. Ok? Ok.”

My kids eyes got really big REALLY fast. But I cracked up. I mean cracked up.

The kids … probably prompted by me … cracked up too. It was a great end of the day for them.

I loved it and have told the story several times since… including here.

Wanna know the funniest part? Kim doesn’t think she was particularly funny night… and she thinks the fact that I DO think it was hilarious is (further) evidence that I’m a wacko. Which of course, just made it funnier for me. So be it.

My point? You don’t have to hunt far for humor. Just pay attention and you’ll find very funny people who may (or may not) be trying to be hilarious. Without much of a fuss you should be find plenty of humor anywhere you look for it. (Especially if you look under the bed.)

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I was speaking to a potential client on the phone today and I was impressed with some of the questions she asked me. I was amazed at the quality of her questions. It was clear that this woman had a clear plan in mind when she started to choose and select her motivational speaker.

Most of her questions were centered around my experience; basically she wanted to make sure I had lots of it. Tons of experience. And I was impressed with her questions. And it struck me that she — perhaps without knowing it — should teach a short class in how to Make Sure Your Speaker Has a Proven Track Record. She wanted to make sure I:

•Am a motivation speaker with a long list of happy clients.
•Consider booking only speakers who have earned thier CSP (Certified Speaking Professional… this is a pretty big deal.)
•That I am a speaker who can provide RECENT references. And that ALL of my recent clients are happy clients.
•That I am a speaker who’s clients are not only numerous, but go back a LONG way. (She wanted to make sure that I had experience over time.)

What a great idea. It reminded me of how my wife and I engaged a construction firm to re-do our kitchen. We did check references, but we did not ask for the firm’s Six Most Recent clients. We should have done just that. That contractor was a nightmare.

He had references, but heck… anybody who has been in any business a few years can find happy clients. What I should have checked was this: are ALL of his clients happy? At least the ones in the last year?

So when this perspective client wanted more than clients… she wanted recent clients … I was impressed. And totally thrilled to give them to her.

Bottom line: book a speaker with a LONG and PROVEN track record. (Of course.. I’d love it if you book me. : )

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Jason is my hero. Check out his blog here…. http://jasonspage.net. It’s a collection of weird news and some personal blogging from Jason.

His site rocks. But what to me is extraordinary is Jason himself. He’s a rock star. When I put out a cry for help witih my blog, it was Jason who came to my rescue. He is pro. He is an expert. And he is unbelievably helpful.

Even after I begged for tutoring (because I’m a novice at this WordPress software) Jason helped me.

How cool is that?!

And what’s best? He did it with good humor, grace, and warmth.

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I am just back from a job in Omaha, Nebraska where I spoke to the staff of the
Bankruptcy Court. Everybody to support staff to deputies to clerks. The whole crew.

Yup… the justice system needs humorous motivational speakers too!
These folks are over worked, under-appreciated… and a ton of fun. We had a great time talking about the power of humor, laughter and play. And we came up with some strategies for humor in the court.
Court Seal

I was flattered when one of there computer support folks sent me an email
which actually beat me back to the office. This guy, Frank, really knows how to have fun. I reprint his email with his permission.

“Hey Brad,
I had a really good time at our seminar Tuesday and wanted to tell you a few things I do to break the monotony. If my wife forces or tricks me into going to Wal-mart, I’ll walk along side her down an isle and then yell ‘Look out honey, FALLING PRICES!!!’ and then push her out of the way. She hates it and calls me retarded, but I think it’s hilarious. Another thing I like to do is if we are at the mall, which I also hate going to, I’ll casually walk through a store with her and the kids and kick the back of one of my heels with the other foot and throw myself forward to simulate tripping. The kids and I laugh every time, she just rolls her eyes. While working at my first job (burger joint) I took home an empty bottle of industrial floor cleaner, cleaned it out well, and then filled it with water and food coloring to match the color of cleaner. Then, before my next shift I took the bottle back and placed in the storage area (the bottle was marked). That night, I made sure to have a “bad night” and after a huge rush, looked at the girl I was setting up for the joke, told her I couldn’t take this job or life anymore, and went to the storage area to grab the bottle. I went back into the kitchen and leaned over the huge sink. I opened the bottle, tipped it up and started to chug my “cleaner” and shake. She starting screaming, called the owner, who was also in on the joke, to which he replied, ‘better bring down that help wanted sign then’. I eventually calmed her down. It was probably a mean joke, but she now jokes about it.
Again, thanks for the great session!”

F.B.

Awwww shucks!

What a great guy. What a great note! I love my job!

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