Interview with Dr. Benjamin Ritter SELF-HELP AND LEADERSHIP
Transform Your Leadership Style TODAY
Dr. Benjamin Ritter’s Background
I just interviewed Dr. Benjamin Ritter for the podcast and was blown away. I love this guy! He’s clever and smart. He’s thoughtful and an amazing listener. And best of all he has some really great ideas about self-help, leadership, and developing the people around us.
I had not met Ben before the recording. We were connected, and I knew he’d be a good guest; I did not know he’d be an amazing guest. What a lovely surprise.
He’s a fascinating guy. I absolutely encourage you to listen to the entire recording. But allow me to give just a few of my highlights.
First of all, when the interview was finished, I realized that I talk to somebody who is in the same business that I am in. Or at least similar businesses. Ben is an executive and leadership coach.
He works with people over time to become better people, employees, leaders, etc. Ben helps them find their best.
I feel like I do the same thing. Only the timelines are very different. I tend to get to work with leaders over a short amount of time. It happens usually in one day. One hour to three hours. Occasionally I get to follow up with my audiences, but rarely. By contrast, Ben is a coach who works with people over time. He gets to work with them personally; one on one. He gets to really get into whatever it is that motivates these people to want to change. I’m a little jealous of that luxury. I’m forced to talk to the audience as a whole. He gets to focus on the individuals.
Show Some Love to Your Team
I asked him how he approaches coaching clients who want to improve their leadership, but basically admit that they do not care about the people they are leading. We talked about how some people in leadership feel that their team should just get the job done. They don’t need to be engaged. They don’t need to be happy. Just get your job done and get your reward.
By contrast, other leaders, understand that in order to get more productivity (and nearly every business metric as well) out of your team, the better approach is to let your team know that you care. One of the easiest ways to better know your team is to have consistent and frequent one-on-one meetings.
My question to Ben was, “How do you convince leaders who do not care about their people to understand the importance of this concept? How do you convince them?”
He had a great and complex answer. But one of the things he mentioned was that he really needs to dive in to find out what motivates his clients.
He gave a specific example of a client who is not performing well with people skills, so he was forced to visit Ben. He was forced to get this time with a coach. He admitted to Ben that he did not want to be there. He was forced to be there. It’s pretty hard to make someone change if they don’t want to change.
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the exchange that followed, but Ben explained that he spent some time trying to find out what did motivate this individual. “What if I could guarantee you a promotion within the next three or six months?” What else would get him to care enough to improve his people skills?
Get it? What we all need…. Depends. It changes from person to person. Ben, as a coach, finds out what his individual clients believe and need, and then he helps them get to that place based on what is important to them.
If you’re a leader of any type, I challenge you to listen to the whole podcast. Ben is great.
Another highlight? I’m glad you asked.
Ben’s Journey from Struggles to Helping Others
Been told a story about him being an 18-year-old soccer team on a college division one team. He knew he wasn’t playing well because he was psyched out. He was suffering from a lack of self-confidence. During a team meeting, he basically admitted this fact to his team and his coach, and he asked for help in dealing with this mental challenge. His coach just yelled, “I’m not your F-ing therapist!”
How humiliating to be called out in front of your peers by your leader. How tragic that the coach didn’t see this very common problem voiced by a brave young man as an opportunity to improve the ENTIRE team.
As Ben tells the story, this exchange was horrible…but it also got him on the track of self-help. If his coach wasn’t going to help him with confidence, he’d figure it out. And now he makes a living helping others.
I was struck by just how awful this coach was. I consider this episode to be abuse. A person in authority bullied a young man in need in front of his peers. And then, when you add in all of the toxic masculinity and other genuine problems, young men, face in groups of other young men? You’ve got a mess. I’d fire a coach if I saw him do this regardless of how successful his team was.
Again, you need to listen to the podcast. But this coaching story was a great lesson. When your team comes to you for advice or help, are you treating the questions? Seriously? Are you treating your people with dignity and respect and even love? Are you building a culture where vulnerability is welcomed?
Or, like this coach, are you shutting down the entire team by shutting down one player? I guarantee there were other players with self-confidence problems, who would’ve loved to talk about this issue. I guarantee other players had other problems, but were taught during this exchange that even good questions are sometimes treated like weaknesses by this ridiculous coach.
I asked Ben what he would tell the coach if he could go back in time. Knowing what he knows now what would he tell that coach been explained to me that he would tell the coach that if he wanted the young player to be a better player then he should address the question of confidence? If he wanted that player to reach his potential, then he was in fact, going to have to be a therapist.
But, if the coach did not care about one individual player – for example, because he had a team stacked with talent, then it would be understandable that the coach would never take on the emotional and social support required to help that young boy.
I agreed. But also, I think that Coach needs to be called out as a monster. Part of the reason we are all supposed to mentor, inspire, motivate, and encourage. Those people around us are in order to help them get more out of their own performance. And if we are a leader, this helps us as well. But the other even more important reason we should help others is that we are human beings. We’re supposed to be nice. Yelling, beating down, and bullying. Those people around us are wrong because it’s wrong. And especially, as it was in this case, if we are in a position of authority, our duty, to be kind, respectful, and loving, is even more clear-cut. This coach screwed up an opportunity to make his team better. But he’s also an abusive jerk.
Wow. I got on a soap box there, huh?
Level Up Your Life: Tune in to the Podcast!
Ben Ritter is the real deal. I can’t imagine anybody, regardless of their job title who would not benefit from spending time with Ben. I feel like I made a new friend. I hope Ben feels the same.
As I said before, this is a really good interview. If you’d like to improve your relationships with your family, your communication with your friends, your relationships with your spouse… Or your ability to be a leader at work you need to listen to this podcast. And I think you had to look Dr. Benjamin Ritter up.
Plus, he’s a really nice guy.
Thanks, Ben. You’re one of the good ones for sure. I can see why your coaching business is doing well; you’re a rock star.
“I only work with clients who want to change. People who don’t want to change don’t work with me.”
(In my world, those people are called “The Back Row.”)
I loved this quote from Dr. Benjamin Ritter.
Imagine your entire team 6 months from now …or a year from now … Writes you a letter and saying you’ve changed my life. What does that look like? How does that feel? How do you get to that place with your people, your team, etc?
I’m gonna be here, and I want you to come up and tell me one thing that you’ve taken away.
What is your pain? Why are you listening to me? What if I could increase your sales? Improve retention and recruitment? Improve your relationship with your spouse. With your kids? With your employees?
Bio of a Motivational Speaker
Funny Motivational Keynote Speaker Brad Montgomery is an award-winning speaker. He speaks to audiences across the globe (and across the USA), and is based in Denver, Colorado.
Although he speaks to audiences in nearly every industry, he is known as a funny health care speaker, a education speaker for teachers, a real estate speaker, and a sales speaker. He got his start as a magician & comedian, but now is known almost exclusively as keynote speaker.
He speaks both at live, in-person events, as well as online and virtually as a zoom speaker. No matter what you’re trying to accomplish with your audience, if you’re ready to invest in your people, give us a call now.
Here’s Your Transcript!
Fair warning: it was done by artificial intelligence, and sometimes it’s not so…er…intelligent. ?
Talking Cannabis Biz With Rich Kwessell
2021, Brad Montgomery
Successful, Interesting & Awesome
[0:00] Hey, everybody. It’s Brad.
I’ve missed you. Well, I’m excited today because of I’m meeting a new friend. And I can’t wait for you to meet him as well. The reason I’m interested in him is the big deal at, L F Y consulting, He’s helping leaders to be better leaders partly through helping them create better meaning and better purpose and his big words that I’m so curious to learn more about, Hello everybody hey Brad it’s great to be here thanks for saying yes, What do we think it is? Let’s see if you can kind of break down the words. We have the word self means you.
Get some cool thoughts from the table. I feel like leadership is getting more out of yourself and those people around.
[1:12] And so we talk about self leadership. They’re actually a component of self in the term leadership already.
Because, Convincing people? Be motivating them. They’d be encouraging them to do something that you maybe want them to do too that they want to do because that’s why they’re doing it.
So self leadership is, To reach any sort of goal. Whatsoever. So, when you feel stuck, when you feel indecisive, when you feel stressed or discouraged, when you feel lost, there’s there’s an issue there with self leadership.
You’re not able to make a decision for yourself. Are you feel with that what you feel is right?
And going back just to close off the loop on what leadership is. Leadership.
[2:12] Delete themselves in a way that is effective, efficient, and aligned through the hours and individual.
It’s too often leaders tend to think that their responsibility, Your job is to actually help them make choices, right? That serve the organization, it’s review, it’s serve them, And the only way to do that is to create an environment that helps them do that.
We need to create an environment is it is that also code for creating a culture really different, It’s a part of the environment, Yeah so.
[3:06] This is mainly pre-covid before I went and built the talent development department in a life sciences manufacturer and then mainly focused a lot on a 101 coaching outside of the corporate workshop world, In the modeling compass is what the, So trust is actually part of the environment. The relationship you have with your direct reports. And the people around you as well as the organization, The environment itself which is where you work and the resources you have with that work and the social relationships that are in that environment are also part of it. The actual work that you’re doing, And in the meaning that someone perceives behind the work too, So culture is a component of that.
[3:58] Do they believe that you’re going to follow up and follow through with them? Do they believe that you’re credible etcetera? Do they believe in your vision as a leader? So all the things that encompass executive presence, So it’s it’s it’s pretty big what a leader has has impact over. That’s what I was thinking. I’m thinking if you bring up, you know, hey, congratulations.
And listen to what Ben said. You have to do all this stuff. I think they’re going to go.
So, where do you start? If you’re, if you’re stuck into a, In there and there like I am saying that was a long list been, It is a long list. Very true. And it can be really intimidating.
But, And usually one of the greatest tools in their tool belt for that is just a 111.
Can’t tell you how many organizations have gone into where the do you not have regular one ones where they have 101 once a month or 101 every other week Where they say I talked to my people all the time. Why do I need a one or one.
[5:18] So we increase communication and in that communication we can throw some other things that are important as well so just roll clarity and feedback which I’d say would be the next two and three in my list, Well let’s go back because this is a good one, First of all it kills me is someone who’s never been in corporate America that there’s a phrase called one on one Like, you know, we read that in a book. Okay, you have to, hold on. What did you say?
Why not that means I talked to him alone the thought that that’s AA leadership skill or management skill just makes my head explode, What’s with that? Like, how did we get to a place where leaders don’t know oh you’re supposed to actually talk, Well since we’re reading off of the same page I think we’re drinking the same Kool Aid, And so that’s one factor or overwhelmed that they think what they think they have to do so maybe they’re individual contributors they’re promoting to a leadership role and they’re actually doing too much and they think that spending time with their people is a waste of time, Yeah. Those people suck.
[6:46] Like that is the easiest way to be a better leader, They haven’t even considered it. Put your management books away.
Yup. Well, the problem is that in a lot of organizations, it’s not an expectation.
So yes if you’re a leader that has done one to ones before and you’ve done them well and you’ve done them weekly and you’ve seen the positive results from them you’re going to want to do them again so if you go into an organization doesn’t have them you’re going to push for them or you’re going to schedule them yourself, But there are a lot of organizations that don’t require this.
[7:23] And so it actually starts not in the leader’s hands but in the from just an organizational kind of development piece.
And what are your expectations for leaders? Is in one of their performance, you know, review. It is one of their performance review pieces. Scheduling, having regular one-on-one to 13. And I know it’s a silly because you’re like, why should I have to tell my leaders to do this?
But if if I’m worried about my job and I’m living in a in a place of fear and I don’t have one ones with my boss and I don’t know the expectations of myself as a leader, It can be difficult for me to go against the grain and to schedule this, Well, let me I try to put some owners on the organization as well. I’m sad the leader. Yeah, he does. People don’t know what they don’t know.
And when when you when you aren’t ever trained to be a leader and put into a leadership position this happens a lot, You think it would make sense to go have a conversation with people you think it would make sense to go provide role clarity and to assess on progress and to give just in time feedback you think those things would be, Expected. We are talking individuals that have never been a leader before. So, it’s like throwing them, you know, in front of a car that’s broken, tell them to fix it.
They only know they only know what they need. Yeah, that’s true. I get that.
[8:50] Like, So it seems like, You could do it and say, well, I don’t care if the expectations are there because I know, So they’re missing this this like crazy thing that I never understood.
Cuz they haven’t had one once or they’ve had really poor leaders and terrible one oh ones, They’re uncomfortable with them. They don’t know how to handle a one to one, They don’t feel capable of helping them grow and coaching them.
Almost adding 99% of the people I’ve worked with. I actually 100% of the clients that I work with as leaders. No matter what position they’re in, CEOs of companies, you know, 30 years of experience or maybe their brand new but high achiever. All of them tells All of them think they think they need to be better, In a one-on-one is you put it on display.
[10:16] What if they start crying or, Is it real comments?
I believe you and I know you’re right and and and I also just want to go.
[10:44] And lead them. Be coach them. Guide them. Just be compassionate. Be caring. Be directive. Be clear. Be concise.
I was interviewing a top leader on this podcast and I said, alright, Dolly, give me one technique like how do you do it? And she said, Brad, I will enter the Christian but first.
And they started to answer, So it does seem baffling to me that people don’t get that. In your work, how often are you seeing in 2023 when I feel like we should be past that mode?
I just pull up, pull up your big boy pants, and work out what I do. No one asked me how I am, How often are you dealing with that?
In the face of disappointing results.
Or why can’t they just be easy? It should just be easy.
[11:59] They’re finding it hard to replace talent, The people that are just like I’m just going to do my work. I’m just going to get it done. An organization are like, we just need more people like this. These are these are easy people to work with. They think they’re easy people to work with. They don’t fully realize that maybe their productivity is low or these people are getting burned down.
Leaders are some leaders that don’t aren’t able to make this work for them or unable to learn it or aren’t curious enough to go learn these really simple skills to connect, Are getting to the point where there’s they’re just fed up.
A culture of just get your stuff done we’re not here to cuddle you we’re not here to I don’t care if you’re engaged at work just do it and we want people that come into work and leave, And then we’re going to work coming to work and work and work and work because they’re afraid of losing their job.
An organizations that really do cater to the individual until the to the to the organizational culture into the community, So I’m kind of seeing more of a divide dancer a question than ever before.
Well, teach me what that looks like. That means.
[13:17] First group sorry, I would be curious to get two people on both ends of the spectrum and have a little bit of a panel debate, Because there’s different beliefs about work that resonate with within those two different individuals and you’ll notice that ‘cuz you want to work in candidates, you’re looking for a new job. They’ll notice recruiters and companies that are in both of those two different buckets.
Like the company that expects you to instantly reply to team’s message or to an email. Right. Or to work on Saturday and Sunday and they’re open about it to the point where they are telling candidates that Because they want people to know what to expect when it comes to the organization because they’re losing people that weren’t ready for that Yeah. Or other companies are like, hey, hold on a second. We know this exists out there. We’re not like that. We’re not going to be that way.
And we want you to call things out if this is what the culture seems like to you, Well, good on them for saying if you work for us, we’re going to abuse you.
[14:32] And then I think you have just leaders within organizations that have different opinions, right? So, someone leader that is Compassion and caring and has one ones and won’t text you on the weekends and is a role model of certain types of behaviors, right? And they inspire individuals to lead themselves in that manner as well because they’re The role model playing it. Another leaders that are incredibly different. So, you also see a lot of individuals and organizations, transferring departments And saying I don’t want to work for this person anymore.
[15:06] Do we keep this person and have this culture within the organization or do we get rid of them and deal with the loss of this individual? And so I’m seeing that happen as well in organizations, I wonder if you’d help me with my job, So, I am tasked. I’m in front of people for 3 hours or 6 hours or 1 hour. And unlike you that I’m gone.
I’m not invited. We just had you. You’re on our conference. Now, go work. Now call Ben.
How do you convince people to care about this type of stuff.
[15:52] How how do you convince those people and would I be able to steal any of those tools when I’m working with people on a very short frame?
So see if I understand you have a shortened time frame of working with somebody, There’s a desire to help get more people on board with what you’re preaching what you’re saying what you teach. Yeah, my message is basically what we’re talking about. Hey, how do you focus on the people of the business will follow? Read almost regardless of what business you’re in.
What indicators have come up, Like what indicators do you track to see if they’re bought in or not?
[16:38] Cuz depending on the client sometimes I’m brought in as a change agent but often I’m brought into somebody like oh we need somebody in our conference we need someone who’s really good in front of a big audience, So they’re not picking me for, So, I don’t know. Maybe he got, where’s there? But it’s, Was that true by the way that they’re not going to measure or is that measurements just have not been asked?
Oh it it depends but you’d be surprised how many times I’m working for a conference not an organization, And they’re not necessarily talking to the top leadership about what is our like how are we going to get this up how are we going to improve this conference was valuable, It’s it’s like they’re they’re different silos and they don’t always talk.
So you’re looking for a way to, Hey Facebook.
[18:01] Is not getting it.
And then you’re going to have to lead them through some sort of process to make them feel like, oh, I do need one, one on ones. Oh, that is not just something a box I check. It’s something I believe in.
Yeah and by the way I’m asking a whole stream of questions. I’m trying to get to the heart of the feeling behind the question that you asked and what your ultimate outcome would be. And what you’d like to actually see happen, And so now we’re getting a new question which is what are my techniques to ensure that people buy in, But I was also trying to disreview in that moment. Yeah.
It in my case it’s leaders coming up to me and saying, You know what? I’ve heard of this. I know about this. I’m not an idiot. I just didn’t feel it until I spent time with you You help me understand the feeling side in the heart side in a way that wants me to change makes me want to change my behavior, I have it for every person who comes up to me like that there’s people who walk out the door go on like have fun, Loved it.
[19:22] And I don’t have a chance to follow like hey how’s that going?
And to connect with everyone individually you’d have to sit down with them individually and connect with them. Right. Well, you have to tell a story folks. Yeah. Read out to tell a story that completely aligns or resonates with them personally.
That is my that’s my technique.
[19:56] It’s not that hard, Hey.
But that’s why here I am with a guy who gets to go deeper with these leaders, Now I understand and I want to care about it and I want to work on it.
Expect someone to care if they want to.
[20:40] Now it sounds like well how do I get more people to care about changing, That’s that’s a very tough, And there are different techniques and different stories you can tell and even walking them through a visualization of you know, imagine your entire team, right? 6 months or a year from now, is writing a letter to you about how you change their life, what would they write? You can try to help them care, Through personal stories, individualizations and ideas but if they’re not ready, One’s on their phones, right? I mean, no one who hires me really expects me to change 100% of that room. I’m I’m kind of like a first data point. I’m like chipping away at the old ice block.
But now it’s time to hold you accountable talk to me about how you do this.
Yes and I do one more thing.
[21:54] Work. Did for them. And then give them a challenge at the end say I’m going to be here. I’m going to stay here for next amount of time. And I want you to come out to me and tell me one thing that you’ve taken away, And just give a task and get a number in your head and then Dean yourself successful, So and I don’t even know if you do that already. The worst part about that advice Ben is it I didn’t think of it first. That’s a great idea, It’s great. I remember it. By the way, hey, I really just like giving advice because there’s so many assumptions built into advice. So, I just wanted to say my opinion for a second before I was held accountable.
[22:50] Let’s see. I don’t know. Let’s let’s see if I can get 10 people to come up. Which would be, that’d be astounding in a room of a 1000 to get 250 people would it’s impossible.
I don’t know. Pretty exciting. You can make that. You can make that really fun. And so like everyone just lined up. You can have everyone huddle up. And do something like there’s there’s some pretty cool stuff that you could do with that. I I think would be pretty neat.
Well I’m telling you, 21 hours from now I will know.
[23:29] As we know the second attempt will be better than the first but I’m going to give it a shot tomorrow.
I’m I’m supposed to be held accountable to something now I think, But we’re still back to that same question. You’ve got a grumpy leader who says I don’t care about my people. I just care about their productivity and their metrics.
But I get but they’re in front of you so as you said they want to change they want to be better.
So they want to grow as a leader but they really don’t care about their people and I had someone just like this who was, On track to take over the office that he was in charge of, And he was only there because of his review, So unless this individual has something to gain from the conversation.
[24:42] No matter what that motivating factorates, you play on that factor, you align those efforts to that factor and I you can you can if it’s a promotion. So, great. Let’s see if I can guarantee you a promotion in 6 months.
Maybe 3 months, Cuz sometimes you just have to get used to the behaviors, And then, Some people don’t care as much.
But they care about what it matters for them.
[25:30] Did you spend time in when you’re coaching him to try to prove to them it works? Are you trying to lay out a argument and give him data, It depends if they ask for it.
See if they ask for it. You know, with my doctorate in organizational leadership, I’ve done a lot of research, have a lot of articles to pull out, to share with them.
Very rarely do I have to pull out an academic research paper to prove to someone and show show a statistic because the people that work with me believe that I know what I’m talking about so one of the powers of building a brand over the years, But when people like for example let’s say a little bit more technical and they’re trying to put the other performance management process I do have a CEO right now that’s working with an HR organization, That is going to roll out some things that I think went against certain best practices. So, that point in time, I do become a little bit of the researcher and say, Take a look at this data take a look at this data roll out whatever you feel is best for the organization for the culture let’s talk about the potential consequences if you’re okay with that let’s plan for those consequences and make sure that you’re ready for them and, That sounds good.
Who doesn’t want to be your coaching client? Come on, everybody. Doctor Benjamin Redder, look him up.
[26:46] Maybe maybe the whole audience. Thank you everyone. Thank you. Thank you everyone. Thank you so much for listening.
Thank you. There are couple of questions I’d love to lead every guest through Ben and.
[27:02] And I’m wondering if I say to you hey, Who is your encourager? Does someone pop into mind like a third grade teacher or a sports coach or a maybe when you’re doing your research, somebody?
Took you on I don’t know, I have a lot of books.
[27:38] And I want to be a professional soccer player when I was younger.
And when I realized it was happening a dove into the personal development space. It’s actually one of it’s the reason why I do what I do today because I became then really interested in it, passionate about it, explored it more, and went down as a professional career.
But I remember one time it it was a practice and we all played terribly as a team and I we’re all circled up and the coaches in front of us just braiding us for playing so terribly big. What’s wrong with all of you? I can’t believe you. What was your name?
College. Yeah, college, undergrad, And I shared. Friend and everyone. I go, coach, I don’t know what’s going on but my head’s holding me back. Like I feel like my mind is really messing me up. It’s getting in the way.
Any goes I’m not your I think therapist, And, And.
[29:02] And so when you ask me like who is the person that encourages me? Honestly, I encourage myself.
And I have created an environment around myself that does not have people that discourage me, I’ve surrounded myself with people that believe in me, people that are positive, people that are working on things. I also believe in and then also I have to admit I’ve been pretty lucky. I’ve had AA very supportive family growing up I’ve never had anyone I might have had my dad to that stupid while you’re doing that. It doesn’t make any sense. You should do this instead. But you never said, He never.
[29:43] Do you have a cheerleader now, What’s really great when you serve people in your life when you care about serving people? People want to be your cheerleader.
So I’d say every client that I’ve had in the past the friends that I have because I care deeply about them, That my family, It was it was interesting. It was, Specifically, I’m sure there’s a lot more about two specifically. One, when you’re family realizes what you’ve built.
To when companies, Were you talking to a guy who started out as a magician so I too had to bring my parents along, I guess it’s working.
[31:03] When they make that car, Yeah and I I even said so I have no bias towards working for yourself or working for a company. I want people to love their careers whichever direction that is. I want to organizations to be placed to the people can fall in love.
That people can fall in love with and they want people just to be able to fall in love with their job.
Without bias, without limiting bullies, without thinking the only way to get free is to work for yourself. The only way to be successful is to become an executive. I think those are Very limiting beliefs and I’m not going to say that they’re wrong because there is nothing that is wrong about a belief but I I am going to challenge them and say that they’re limiting.
And so I’ve worked inside organizations and outside organizations I’ve worked I’ve run my business and worked in an organization at the time of I’ve gone in and out, And I’d say that it’s not just them being clients. It’s them actually wanting to hire you full time. I mean, I went through so many different job changes in my life. I pivoted careers.
And for you know I I spent two and a half years trying to get a full time job back into 2010 during the lovely.
[32:09] In every job I would get would be pulled out for money because the federal funding because I was focused on public health.
And so I’ve I signed four different contracts in each contract over two and a half year period was cancelled this is when I was working internally, So any sort of professional success for me feels incredible. Feels like a win.
[32:35] The things that you’ve dealt with are influencing your choices today, And so if you’ve had difficulty, Success in terms of finding a job or how you found jobs in the past will be how you think you can find a job today and so just explore those beliefs because, Oh you can encouragement you can do anything and everything that you’ve ever wanted if you’re willing to put the time and energy to try to figure out how, Bike drop, Yeah let’s hang out.
[33:32] I think I turned 21 after seeing your year so what is that 2019. Yeah I think, As as your if you could go in a time machine, And say oh in the coat especially let’s assume the coach wants to know what you think.
Hey Doctor River what do you how do you think that went.
[34:12] Things of, I’m pretty direct, You know I give you all the information you need to know, You know use the SBIC model of feedback and I don’t think it’s me and I think it’s actually it’s it’s instructive, It has a purpose. You know, you don’t live in the past. You live in the future because that’s where your headed and and when it comes to feedback, what your focus on is trying to improve outcomes that are going to happen next. And so it doesn’t really matter what, So if I’m am I going back in time in my young self? No no no. You’re you’re going it’s a space time continuing problem. Cuz you’re going to see yourself walk off to the locker room with your other players.
To change our cleats and get ready you’re alone on the pitch with a coach, At your edge your current self with all your knowledge. Okay.
You know if you want that kid to be the best player on your team?
They need to make sure that he’s able to to think clearly. And right now his confidence is really hurting.
And so it’s just a choice do you want to have another really great player on your team or do you want to keep him the way that he is?
[35:37] In other words you’re saying you’re wrong.
[35:49] If if he cared if yet and it’s not that he’s wrong, Cuz that that coach may think it’s not it’s I don’t have the time for this I don’t actually need a better team I have enough players on my team I don’t need this kid, And fine okay, You’re so much kinder than I am because I’d say he was totally wrong, He won the one. Yeah. Oh, so hard, hardcore. Alright, so he’s under some pressures besides being an educator.
But I would just say as a fellow, Looking to an 18 year old kid and basically saying screw you.
I just think.
[36:59] No I think in that world of right and wrong you’re right and I would say the same thing I don’t want to coach if I had a kid and he was playing soccer and the coach treat him that way, We have I have to go talk to the coach, But ultimately I did what I needed to do with the kid did what he needed to do and decided to go to handle it himself, I think it what it didn’t really it doesn’t serve the kid didn’t serve the team and it didn’t serve him, That’s so we’re on a we gotta do such interesting topic, To build up those people around him, He’s certainly is in the it is certainly his job as a human not a coach to make sure he’s not pounding somebody down especially somebody who’s he’s he’s the authority figure literally in this case, He’s called coach.
[38:18] Figure this out dang it I think there were nine other kids who were just like I can’t handle it this is the worst thing for my personality ever, So we go back and go back in time but we’re going to fast forward from that point because it’s when I decided to go into this field.
My main mission was to, They’re going to face people like that and so I would love all organizations, To have the have certain expectations of leaders even coaches, teachers, even all humans.
To have the mission to help others not at the expense of themselves but in order to help them in a way that serves them too so I I’m not serving from an empty cup Sure to speak. Too many people fall on their own story. I would love to live in a world like that.
It’s just, Help it become more.
[39:35] Not because I have to fix it but because I want to listen at least. Alright.
If I were to go back in time and talk to your, College D one soccer coach.
[40:04] That’s the first tech but also I would just be going like, So even the weakers players deserve respect and love, And if you weren’t at your potential because of your some mind games are going on.
If he’s and he’s already dismissed you is like that guy is bottom of the bench forever he still has a duty to you, I think I want to be more like you though. You’re more you’re less judgy.
I think we need to be a little bit more strict than what we expect from people that have power.
And not just people that have power but everyone. You know, people need to just have a certain expectation of themselves that, They are bringing more good to the world than not.
And I like this timeline that we’re in where you come up and just start yelling at the couch but.
[41:27] Try to remember who is it by it was like either Derek Sivers or Grant one of those one of those guys, About changing someone’s mind. How to change someone’s mind? Yeah.
And if you tell someone they’re wrong.
[41:47] And if you listen to why someone is done what they did and try to understand their reasoning and then try to nudge them in a direction that might better serve the world or in the direction that you want them to go, So I think that’s probably why I have such a hard time just getting pissed right at people that are doing things that are hurting others, Because it’s getting pissed at them is actually not going to change them, Totally agree and this is why you’re approached with that coach, And yet i just want to yacht them because I just feel like, You have AA very talented player but more importantly you have an 1819 year old boy and you call him out in front of his peers, In a either one.
Yeah if they’re throwing around some, I think coaches are lazy as a briefest I promise I’m getting to my last question, Not always but often they were on teams. If you were a coach, you were at some point on the team where you were one of the stronger players or the strongest player.
[43:11] So, at some point they may maybe, you know, couldn’t handle it but they remember being ah, People who didn’t have who were psyched out like you or people who for whatever reason needs a little bit more coaching instead they’ve always go to the.
[43:34] Don’t forget this we’re doing this position now, So I I feel like they’re lazy and that they’re not addressing, The bulk of the team who really needs a coach and by coaching i don’t mean tactics I mean social and emotional support, In this ties right back to our conversations with leaders.
It’s, That was not a very good student. Mind you, I have three different, four, four different degrees and way too many letters after my name now, I had a speech issue I had a speech impediment that was behind just like not a very strong reader also kind of a little bit held back, And, The thing that changed the game for me was that my dad said if you don’t, Do better in school. We’re going to you’re not going to be able to play soccer.
And when you think about your work environment where you have people that might be on performing.
[44:50] And you may maybe missing out on a lot of really, You don’t even know exist because you’re judging people.
[45:07] From them that you need and that is going to help them develop in their career, Well and just to make sure we’ll clear how difficult that is. I will tell you an personal story from my side.
Was under performing at school and we said get your crap together Or soccer’s gone and guess what, He just dug his heels in so.
[45:43] Hey we’re he pulled on the thread that was the thread, Let’s go find the thread.
Because I’ve I mean I worked with clients that the kids have gone as far as is trying to, We could say Stuart as a parent.
And as a in the end of it certain clients, In different instances I’ve tried to take the responsibility in the burden of that unto themselves, The kid.
[46:42] And we can’t define our own success based on, Individual like actions and thin those individual moments.
Hey my clients have transformed multiple times in their lives my friends have transformed multiple times in my life my partner has sounds like you’ve had a few different stories in your life, Yeah I’ve transformed like, Where I go, oh dang it. I don’t believe that anymore. Ah, it’s wrong.
Let’s I’m going to bring you through this this this my favorite question Ben I’ve been asking every single podcast this question for since the beginning of the show and it goes like this, Some of my guests they go big and they’re like these big spiritual things and some people talk about global warming and politics and the divided country in war in Europe and and and some people say oh it’s, Watching that flower bloom or something very small and understandable. So, we get to it. Dr. Benjamin Ritter.
Consultant coach generally.
[48:07] I’ve had this, That, In I And so it gives me hope.
[48:44] We know very little of the consciousness of things.
Trees that can communicate with one another.
So it gives me hope is that as we become more aware, This underlying I think, The more we tend to honor it.
And so that maybe that person does think that they shouldn’t be mean to that kid on that soccer team, So that’s that’s what gives me hope. Is that growing awareness?
Well I feel like you and I are connected and I’m, That’s pretty cool. I mentioned to know do you feel connected to your main soccer coach?
Yeah, And, There are certain moments in our lives that have I think.
[50:07] And so yeah, This was successful and I’ll tell you why. Before we started recording, I said, man, if we do this right, we just become friends and I feel like I have a new friend and I hope you feel.
Very much so open imitation come on down to Austin that would be very awkward if you said no Brad I didn’t feel that, Alright, everybody.
Yeah you gotta live for yourself consulting. Com.
For yourself. And if you don’t like, yeah, if you don’t like typing LFY consulting. Com. Little bit shorter. So I can talk to you.