A couple of my favorite things to say to folks who point the cup to me include:
”Thanks! I’m cooling it off!”
”I know! I don’t really like coffee.”
“I’m trying to cut down on caffeine.”

But I gotta admit, I usually just wave back and act clueless. (This isn’t hard for me… I’ve had years of practice.

More Ideas

Here are a couple more ideas that can make it different:

• When you have a passenger in the car, don’t tell them about your cup. (Sneak the cup on the car just before you get in.) You’ll get a charge out of your passenger’s reaction to all of the attention. (“Why is everybody waving to us, Brad?”)
• This one usually costs you the magnet, but it is worth it: Sneak the cup onto a friend’s or spouse’s car before they leave. Just come up to say goodbye, rest your “cup” on the roof, and leave with out it. They never notice… trust me on this. Then when THEY get all of the attention – and eventually discover the cup – they’ll know you love ‘em!
• Use your imagination and “stick” other stuff to your car: Fast Food Bags (empty, you silly!), pizza boxes, etc.

You get the idea.. Go wild!

Warning: A couple of tips about the magnet itself- This baby is one SERIOUS magnet. It is the strongest one I’ve ever found. BE CAREFUL. Don’t mess with it. You can get hurt. It can pinch your skin faster than you can say, “Oh gosh that darned thing hurts!” Don’t let kids play with it. (My kid’s aren’t allowed near it.) This thing will zap your credit cards from a LONG distance; be careful. Keep it away from all electronics, your watch, etc. oI keep my magnet stuck to the ceiling of my car… it is safe there, out of the way, small enough that nobody notices it, and handy for my next coffee trip.
Speed: I’ve had the cup up on the car at speeds of 55 MPH. But to be safe, stay down in the 45 MPH range or slower. I do. Don’t chance losing it on the highway… you’ll end up hurting something… or worse… losing this precious magnet. : )

Please send me your stories, ideas and success at bradmontgomery.com! Brad Montgomery Productions is not liable for any injury, loss or damage, direct or consequential, arising out of the use or the misuse of this product. (Yes! That means this magnet is strong, baby!) © Copyright Brad Montgomery Productions 2006 www.BradMontgomery.com 303.691.0726 800.624.4280

See Also: security tag gags

This little bad boy is your ticket to joy! It’s a security tag used to prevent shoplifting. This one has been modified by removing the permanent pin and adding a special clip so that you can safely put it on — and take it off! — your clothes. Why? Because it’s funny!

How to Use it

There are two ways to execute the gag. My favorite way is to wear the tag myself. I love to put it on the back of my clothes — the back of my jacket, the back of my pants, or the back of my shirt. This method takes more patience but it is funnier because people will eventually see it and wonder if you actually are unaware of the tag. Some people will see it, be puzzled by it, and not say anything! When people point it out, I say something like, “Yeah, it’s new. How do you like my new jacket?” (Act serious and you’ll get a puzzled look that will keep you smiling for days.) Or you can say, “Yeah, I’m just trying it out before I buy it.”

But sometimes I just wear it on the front of my shirt or jacket and open a conversation saying, “How do ya like my new jacket?”

Another funny idea is to wear it inside your jacket, perhaps hanging off the inside jacket pocket. That way you can wear it privately. But when you are ready for some fun open your jacket to reveal the tag — as though you are sharing a secret with you victim — and then say something such as, “How do you like my jacket. I got a great deal on it. Yeah…. it was a STEAL!”

It’s also funny to sneak the tag on your friend’s clothing — again, it is best on the back of the clothing — and watch the reactions and comments directed towards your friend. Or, if you’re feeling especially frisky attach it to your friend’s clothes while you are inside a department store. Then watch the fireworks when you leave!

See Also: coffee cup on car gag

I’ve found some really neat optical illusions. Read more to see them all!

One of the easiest ways to earn a smile is to wear a clown nose. Not only does it get the folks you interact with to smile, but best of all it is impossible to be grouchy when you've got a ball of red foam on your face. Try it. It's impossible.

When do you wear it? What do you do?

I find that the funniest way to wear the nose is to put it on and to act completely normal. I don't smile. I don't laugh. The irony of a normal, nicely-dressed person wearing a clown nose is like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day; it just makes you feel good inside.

I wore it the other day when I picked up my 2-year-old at day care. I walked up to the teacher and asked straight forwardly, “How was the day today? How did my daughter do?” I did not mention the clown nose. She just looked at me, paused, and smiled. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a complete dork, but it just cracked me up. And the other teachers were laughing too.

I love to wear it as I'm exiting the airplane. As you know, the flight attendants and pilots stand by the cockpit and repeat stuff like, “Thanks for flying with us today.” And everybody dutifully says something like, “Thank you.” Not me. I just wear the nose – again, without comment – and say to them, “Good job.” It never ceases to get a laugh.

It is also fun to wear the nose in public, and in a crowd even, when just one or two people can see you and the nose. For example, it's fun to wear it at a meeting or presentation when I'm in the audience. The presenter sees me, yet the rest of the audience – with the possible exception of a few people sitting next to me – has no idea what is going on. I love seeing the presenter try not to laugh.

Wear the nose on a plane while the flight attendant gives the safety demonstration. They'll see you, but the other passengers won't and will wonder why the attendants are smiling.

Try combining the nose with a hand squeaker and make the nose squeak!

Wear the nose while in a traffic jam, or while waiting at a stoplight. Two things will happen: 1) You'll stop stressing about the traffic jam. And 2) the other drivers will crack up.

Wear it when you're driving next to a bus-load of school kids waving at you.

Wear it after a customer yells at you, or while you're on the phone making a call that you really don't want to make.

If a customer complains and says something like, “I'd like you to get the manager!” Politely agree, leave the room to get the manager, and then reappear wearing the nose. “I'm the manager. What seems to be the problem?”

Wear it on a bus, or at a restaurant when a kid cries. Be a hero!

Why Silly String? Because it is Funny! It is impossible to be stressed out about a broken fax machine, a backlog of emails and difficult customers when you are playing with Silly String! Dare to Be a Dork! Use Silly String and the magic of life appears right before your very eyes. Life is Fun & Funny. And Filled with Magic. Make sure your life is filled with Silly String!

Brad’s Top Ten Silly String Ideas
Sit in your office cubical and start the whole, LOUD, “Ahh, aaaah, ahhh” bit. Then, as you shout, “Chooooo!” spray it over the cubicle and gross out your office mates.

Punch a tiny hole in a paper towel or tissue, and then hide the can under the tissue with the nozzle peeking through the tissue. Put this whole set up on your table or desk. Now act like you have to sneeze. Wrinkle your face, blink your eyes act it up!

With a prolonged, “Ah, Aaaah, Ahhh.” Grab the can/tissue combo and hold it up to your mouth. Then shout, “CHOOOO!” as you spray silly sting. Trust me; this gross little number is big-time funny.

Use silly string to make a soda can explode: Shake up a can of soda w/ your left hand. Have the Silly String in your right hand at your side. (Nobody will notice it as they are watching your left hand shake like mad.)

Bring your hands together. Now pretend to pop the top on the can but don’t do it. Instead, make a, “Pfffft” sound with your mouth and then spray the silly string all over your friends. It’ll take ‘em a moment to realize they’ve been had. Again: Big Time Funny!

This same gag is often even funnier with liquids that are the same color and consistency of the String. Try shaking those little bottles of hotel/motel hand lotion or shampoo, and then having them “explode” all over your friends.

It is also funny in the kitchen. Take any can of food out of your panty. Wonder aloud, “I wonder if this has gone bad?” Then shake it and make it “explode” and watch your family freak out!

I love using Silly String with my kids. Here are a couple of ideas about using the String with Children:
Go up to a baby who is in a car-carrier – ya know, one of those plastic things with the handles that folks use to carry their new born kids around.They have covers on them, so you can twist it around so that when you reach into where the kid is nobody actually sees your hands.(Note: this joke is way funnier if it is a kid who’s parents you know well. Strangers don’t think this kind of thing is funny at all.) Grab your can of String and quickly reach in the carrier to “pat” the kid. Say, “Oh, I see Junior has something coming out of his nose. Oooh.Eeee!” You guessed it: once you start with the, “Oooh!” you spray the String straight UP out of the carrier and over your shoulder. Of course you want to be careful not to spray the baby, but this is much easier than it sounds.

This gets a great laugh from the grandparents.

I do a similar gag with my 6 yr old. While she is facing my victim, I tell her that she has something coming out of her nose. I hold up a tissue to her nose – a tissue that has a can of String hidden beneath it. (And of course the nozzle is poking through a tiny hole as before.)

As I say, “Ok, blow into the tissue honey. Hard now,” you guessed it. I spray the String back over my shoulder and towards the victim. My daughter and I know this is hilarious. Try it and you’ll find out too!

Try the same gag with your pet. String coming out of dogs, cats, guinea pigs and even fish tanks rocks! “Oh, Rover, you’ve got something coming out of your nose ooh , yuck, oooh!” String has never been so funny.

String can be funny when it comes out of a bag or other container . Have the can in your purse, your briefcase, your shopping bag, your back pack, etc. Just reach in, say something like, “Oh heavens this is gross Oooh No! Not that…” and then spray it up and out of the container and over your shoulder.

Create laughter and magic whenever you need a smile – or whenever you need somebody else to smile. It’s impossible not to smile when you are squeak or when you near somebody who does squeak. Squeak and your troubles melt away!

Be the life of the party. Break up boring business meetings. Create rapport with clients. Become the favorite aunt or uncle. Get free upgrades in hotels! Surprise the people around you!

Learn to squeak in elevators, at the dinner table, in your car! Make your nose squeak, cell phones squeak, shoes squeak!

Squeaking cures insomnia, rheumatism, digestive troubles and creates well-being. (Well, not really. But squeaking is very funny.

How To Hold Your Squeaker

How to hold your squeaker: Put the Squeaker in the palm of your hand. Straighten your forefinger so you can “point” to stuff. Curl the three remaining fingers in and use them to hold the Squeaker against the palm. Now you’re ready to Squeak!

Squeaking Technique: As you touch things with the tip of your forefinger, use your other fingers to squeeze the Squeaker. Remember to always keep the palm of your hand – and the Squeaker – hidden from your “audience.” Nobody should know you are holding anything. Timing is everything. With just a bit of practice you can time it so that the “Squeak” and the “touch” happen at the exact same time.

Squeaking State Of Mind: Part of what makes our lives fun is surprise. And believe me, when you make random things Squeak, people are surprised. What’s so great about surprise? Surprise is an important element in comedy. The unexpected is often very funny.

Squeaking surprises us in two different ways. Not only does Squeaking surprise your audience (or victim!) but it also can surprise you. That surprise can often shock you into a fun and playful mood. For example, I’ve often used my Squeaker when I’m tired or sick, when I’m angry or frustrated. The reaction the Squeaker earns jolts me right out of my misery and into laughter. Think about it: It’s gotta be almost impossible to feel angry or impatient when you have just made somebody smile. By Squeaking you not only share you playfulness with others, you become more playful as well. You can literally Squeak your way out of a bad mood.

Don’t Leave Home Without It: Carry your Squeaker with you wherever you go. You’ll find it useful at times when you would never have expected and that’s where the real fun is! Be sure to try the ideas we’ve included here, but keep your eyes open for chance opportunities. When you Squeak you can almost guarantee a smile.

One of the best parts of Squeakerdom is that you will sometimes Squeak by accident. I have accidentally squeaked as I sit down in a meeting, as I reach into the overhead compartments in airports, as I reach for the salt at a restaurant, or when I reach in my pocket for change. These involuntary Squeaks are a great conversation starter, ice breaker, and tension reliever. This technique is also a way for the more inhibited Squeaker to experience the Joy of Squeakerdom.

Brad’s Top Ten Squeaker Ideas

–Press elevator buttons and make them squeak. Do Nothing. Don’t react at all. Just stand back and enjoy the funny looks. (People are often too shy to ask, but they definitely will be puzzled.)

Borrow a friend’s cell phone. Make the buttons squeak as you press them. Do not call attention to the squeaking and enjoy the reaction you get from the phone’s owner.

Make the food on your plate squeak. Dinner rolls, hot dogs, Brussels sprouts. Ask the waiter to look at the steak while you squeak it. “Does this seemed cooked right to you?”

Look at the floor as though you see a bug. Make a big show of stomping your toe onto the pretend bug. As you “squish” the bug, squeak!

Press elevator buttons and make them squeak. Do Nothing. Don’t react at all. Just stand back and enjoy the funny looks. (People are often too shy to ask, but they definitely will be puzzled.)

Squeak the tip of your nose. It gives kids giggle-fits and will make adults smile. Once you get good with your squeaker technique you can make your kids’ noses squeak too. If you haven’t seen wonder and joy on a kid’s face recently, this one is for you. They love it.

Try on a new pair of shoes at a shoe store. Wait for the salesperson to ask you to walk in them to test them out. Squeak every time you step with your left foot. Ask for a discount!

–Admire someone’s wristwatch. (Or if necessary, show them your watch.) Ask them if they know about the secret alarm. Demonstrate by pressing various knobs and buttons on the watch in some complex order, finally ending by activating the squeaker. Stand back and watch the confusion as they try to activate the “alarm.”

Make body parts squeak while at the doctor’s or dentist office. For example, “push” a tooth and make it squeak. “Doc! Is this normal?” Squeak your kid’s body parts while at the pediatrician.

Complain that your computer mouse is acting up. Show your friend how the damn thing squeaks. Remove a photo of a cat from your desk drawer, leaving the squeaker in the drawer. Set the photo next to the mouse. There, that shut ‘em up!

Not for the faint-of-heart: Mention your new protein diet while drinking coffee with friends. Reach into your pocket and grab a rubber cockroach and the squeaker (but keep the squeaker hidden in your hand.) Wriggle the bug around a bit, and activate the squeaker just before you drop the roach into your cup of coffee. Sip away and enjoy the show!

Buy These Squeakers now in BradMart!  Go shopping now!

Learn more about motivational speaker Brad Montgomery.

This might fool ya…. Go ahead and give it a go!

Memorize one of these cards.

Now click page 2

Barbie Joke

One Legged Ballerina

Chicken Coop

Buddhist and HotDog

Hear Brad’s kids laughing & joking!

A Magician’s Interview

A magician goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer,knowing that magicians are stupid, decides to start with the basics. “So, sir, can you tell us your age, please?”
The magician counts carefully on his fingers for about 30 seconds before replying “Ehhhh … 22!”.
The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice.”And can you tell us your height, please?”.
The magician stands up and produces a measuring tape from his hand bag. She then traps one end under his foot and extends the tape to the top of his head. He checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!”.
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”
The magician bobs his head from side to side for about twenty seconds,mouthing something silently to himself, before replying, “Brad!”.
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks “Just out of curiosity, sir, we can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!”, replies the magician, “That’s just me running through ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you… “.

The Naked Statues

Two statues of naked people: man and woman. The statues are looking at each other longingly. An angel comes down from heaven and says, “I’ll make you human for 30 minutes so you can do what you’ve been dreaming of all these years.” So he does . The statues go behind the bushes.. There is rustling and happy noises. They come back 15 minutes later looking satisfied. “You have 15 min left… why don’t you do it again?” says the angel. “OK,” says the male statue to the female. “But this time I’ll hold the pigeon down so YOU can poop on him.”

Grandpa

A sister and brother are talking to each other when the little boy gets up, walks over to his Grandpa and says, “Grandpa, please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “No.” The little boygoes on, “Please…please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “No, now go play.” The little boy then says to his sister, “Go tell Grandpa to make a frog noise.” So the little girl goes to her Grandpa and says, “Please make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “I just told your brother no and I’m telling you no.” The little girl says, “Please, please, Grandpa, make a frog noise.” Grandpa says, “Why do you want me to make a frog noise?” The little girl replied, “Because Mommy said when you croak we can go to Disney World!”

Related links:

Check out our cool optical illusions!